Crossover with "Lois and Clark"; Miss Parker's humorous misadventures
Categories: Crossovers Characters:
Jarod, Miss Parker, Original Character, Sam
1. The misadventures of Miss Parker by Leah
Don't Get Me Wrong But...
The misadventures of Miss Parker by Leah
The misadventures of Miss Parker
Copyright 1998-2001 by Leah
"Jarod!" Miss Parker cried, rushing around a corner and dodging past a trash can that blocked her path. She tripped and nearly fell into a tall woman who appeared suddenly in her path.
The woman caught her by the shoulder and helped her regain her balance.
"Out of my way!" Miss Parker panted ungratefully.
The tall woman smiled brightly and asked, cheerfully, "What? What happened to a simple thank you?"
"I have to catch him, " explained Miss Parker quickly.
"Jarod," the woman repeated in a baffled tone that meant 'And that should explain everything--NOT.' The tall woman ran her fingers through her hair and said, "Let's start over. My name's Jaime and you are?"
"I won't ask again," Miss Parker said in a steely voice pulling out her gun.
Quicker than thought, the gun had been wrenched from her hand and Jaime was holding it, leaving Miss Parker grasping the empty air.
"Now you tell me who you are?" Jaime demanded, squeezing the gun tightly.
"How did you...?" Miss Parker stared at Jaime in disbelief. She sighed and yielded. "My name is Miss Parker and you have just hampered me from the capture of a very dangerous man."
"And that just makes all the difference," Jaime replied. "Now sit down, you and I have to talk."
"Talk?" Miss Parker asked, confusedly. "Why should I talk to you?"
Jaime squeezed the gun tighter in her right hand and it fell apart.
Miss Parker sat down on a crate promptly, grumbling to herself and wondering where are the sweepers when you need them?
"I abhor violence," Jaime explained, wiping her hands. She glanced around quickly but always kept one eye on Miss Parker. "Now, it seems to be lunchtime and all this excitement has made me kind of hungry so if you would be so kind...?" Jaime motioned towards a diner she had spotted.
Miss Parker sat like a statue staring at Jaime for a moment. Then, she stood up made a wry face and marched past Jaime towards the diner.
Inside and waiting for their orders, Jaime began once again while Miss Parker listened, still having not fully recovered from the stunning idea that this woman could pop a metal gun in one hand as easily as a water balloon.
"I am known as Jaime Sommers professionally. I am a retired agent of the OSI, temporarily reactivated (much to the dismay of my husband, Steve)," she slipped in this side of information with a fond smile and then grew serious once more, "... and I need to ask you some questions."
"OSI?" Miss Parker asked.
"Office of Scientific Intelligence, headed by Oscar Goldman," Jaime enlightened briefly. "You see, several weeks ago there was a man working there who called himself Mr. Byron Nic. He worked on some top secret and classified projects and improved them quite a bit. But a day after he left, it was discovered that he never worked for any division of the OSI and so quite a little mystery developed."
Miss Parker took sudden interest. She frowned. "Jarod," she whispered, under her breath.
"Jarod?" Jaime replied. "So you know him, do you? Good. Now, why were you after him? I mean, were you chasing him, just now?"
Miss Parker wondered how in the world Jaime had heard her. Did she have super hearing too? No, can that idea. A plan developed in Miss Parker's brain.
"Jarod is a chronic impersonator. He has...mental problems. My family has hired me privately to bring him back to keep him from becoming a danger to himself and others."
"Oh," Jaime said, nodding rapidly and sipping her coffee. She set the cup down and said in tone that spoke volumes, "And I suppose that that gun was out of the loving concern of his family and friends?" Jaime stood up and she was obviously angered by the lie but in spite of this, her tone of voice was not raised, it simply became more intense, "Now listen missy, I have been on this planet at least twenty years longer than you and I don't appreciate being lied to. Just have the decency to tell me the truth because--don't you think that is what everyone deserves? If there is any goodness in life, then it must be established on trust and you'll go a lot farther that way and this will all be over much more quickly."
Miss Parker groaned inwardly and when she felt her guilt rising, outwardly as well. She stood up and ran out of the diner, stopping dead in her tracks when she realized that Jaime was either a professional sprint runner or the fastest thing on two legs. Her opinion was inclined towards the latter.
"All I need to know is: Who is Jarod?" Jaime said. "And that's it...you'll be free to go." Jaime brushed some strands of dark blonde hair out of her face. "So what do you say, hon? Is it a deal?"
"Sam!" Miss Parker cried, spotting her favorite sweeper as he came around a corner. She pointed at Jaime. "Get her!"
Sam attempted to follow orders. He saw Miss Parker. He saw Jaime. He lunged for Jaime, only suddenly found she wasn't there. A shrill whistle came from behind him and he turned to see Jaime standing there, smiling. Once again, he lunged but this time he saw the reason for his unsuccessfulness. The woman had actually jumped over the top of his head.
He felt a tap on his shoulder and turned once more. "Sorry about this," Jaime said, grabbing him by the tie, she threw him like a sack of meal into some cardboard boxes which cushioned his landing and there he was content to lay.
"Now," Jaime said, turning to Miss Parker once more. "You got anything else for me???"
Miss Parker's eyes were as large as saucers. Her survival instinct kicked in and she did the same thing she had done when being held hostage in the bank. She decided it was best to give this amazing Jaime Sommers everything she wanted.
"There are Pretenders among us. Geniuses with the ability to become anything they want to be. In 1963 a corporation known as the Centre," she began.
Blue Cove, Delaware
Miss Parker walked into the tech room.
"You're late," Sydney said.
Miss Parker shrugged and growled, "Don't ask!" She strolled out of the room.
Broots looked up from the keyboard in puzzlement. "She's never late."
"I know," Sydney said. "Did you notice the way Sam looked when he came in?"
Broots snickered. "Yeah. The look on his face. You'd think he had a run in with The Bionic Woman."
Sydney looked at the computer tech. "Broots," he said.
"You watch too much TV."
Dr. Rudy Wells Office
"Well, Jaime. I'm glad to know that your bionic arm, legs and ear are all in perfect working condition," Doctor Rudy Wells informed her.
"Thank you very much, Doc," Jaime replied. "Didn't I tell you not to worry when I convinced Oscar to let me take that assignment?" She hopped off the examining table.
Rudy smiled and Oscar laughed as he walked into the room. "Convinced me did you? And what did you think of the assignment?"
Jaime made a so-so motion and then smiled quickly and said, "It was exciting."
"But?" Oscar prodded.
"Well," Jaime admitted slowly. "Don't get me wrong but, it seems young people's manners have changed a lot over the years."
"Still the same old Jaime," Oscar laughed and Rudy joined him.
"Old?" the bionic woman asked, pretending to be offended. "Gentleman, watch your tongues, if I'm old then you must be ancient--no, more than ancient, prehistoric!"
"How 'bout lunch with these two doddering gentleman to make up for that remark?" Oscar suggested, exchanging a glance with Rudy.
Jaime smiled. "Deal! Just give me a sec."
Rudy Wells and Oscar Goldman exited the room. Jaime picked up her purse and followed, exiting the room and our story.
THE NEXT DAY
"Jarod has slipped through my fingers once, I don't intend to let him slip again," Miss Parker said to Broots. "Now this..." she pointed to the computer screen. "Is current?"
"Yep," Broots said. "Jarod Cronkite, working for a newspaper in Metropolis."
"I see," Miss Parker nodded and did an about face on her heels.
"Do you want us to come with..." Broots began, but he was too late. Miss Parker was well on her way to Metropolis.
Miss Parker stepped from the taxi and looked up at a large metal logo, shaped like planet Earth which read, "DAILY PLANET."
As she stepped up onto the sidewalk she noticed a familiar-looking figure disappearing through a revolving door into the building within.
"Jarod!" she cried and gave chase.
Just as she reached the door, she toppled into a smartly dressed woman coming outside, who was carrying a briefcase. The latch of the briefcase broke and its contents spilled onto the sidewalk. The papers blew around in the gusts from the revolving doorway.
"Where do you think you're going so fast?" asked the woman, sharply.
A man who looked like a mild-mannered reporter walked up and spoke softly, "Um, Lois. I'll help you." He bent down to pick up the briefcase.
"You don't know what's going on. It's urgent," remarked Miss Parker quickly. She moved to go through the door, but the aforesaid Lois, now irate, blocked her way.
The man straightened again, adjusted the glasses on his nose and looked at Miss Parker in puzzlement.
"I, Lois Lane, top reporter for the Daily Planet, not know what's going on? Give me a break! There's nothing urgent that I don't know about." The brown-haired, dark-eyed woman glared at Miss Parker and shook some of the papers in her hand, which she had managed to rescue from being trampled on the street. "And one would think you would at least have the common decency to say, "I'm sorry" or "excuse me" when you scatter someone's work all over the sidewalk."
"Lois..." the man began.
Lois continued as if he had never spoken. "I don't know where you're from lady, but the people of Metropolis pride themselves on manners and those that don't, should."
"Shut up, Clark! And furthermore anyone who would be so inconsiderate to be thinking only of themselves and not..." Lois was now waving the papers in front of Miss Parker's nose.
"What is it, Clark?" asked Lois, turning to look at her partner in investigative reporting with annoyance.
"You're holding up the flow of...um...the flow of..." stumbled Clark.
Lois glanced around and realized a crowd of people had gathered around them. A traffic jam, for progress both for those going in and coming out of the building had been halted.
People had been standing in groups simply watching the scene.
"Oh my goodness!" gasped Lois. "Clark! Why didn't you tell me..." Lois began, as moved out of the way.
Miss Parker took this moment's distraction and bolted past Lois Lane and into The Daily Planet.
"I'm looking for a man," Miss Parker started, after she had gotten through the door.
"Aren't we all?" replied a woman, standing by the water cooler in the lobby.
"No," Miss Parker corrected, holding up a picture. "I'm looking for this man."
"Oh," the woman replied and pointed to an elevator.
Miss Parker ran to it and rode to the office level where most of the Daily Planet reporters worked on their stories.
A young man strolled over to her. He was carrying a camera. He noted the photograph she carried. "I take photos too," he began conversationally. "And do a lot of other stuff around here. Jimmy Olsen's the name. Can I help you, miss?"
Miss Parker looked furtively around the room, but she could see no sign of Jarod.
She was about to ask him a question but a thundering voice interrupted her.
"Great Balls of Fire! Jimmy! Why haven't you left yet?" asked a man, stepping out from an office, the door of which read:
Perry White. Editor 'n' Chief.
"Sorry, Chief," Jimmy began to stammer.
"Don't just stand there. Lois and Clark just left for City Hall. I want photos to go along with their story on the mayor's speech."
"I'm on it!" replied Jimmy and ran for the elevator.
Perry White turned to look at Miss Parker. "Can I help you, miss?" he asked, obviously annoyed that she had been distracting his employees.
Miss Parker plunged right in. "I need to speak with a man you hired recently. He calls himself Jarod."
Mr. White looked worried. "Is there a problem?" he asked.
"Not if I can find him," Miss Parker replied.
"Well, the only Jarod I know I of was one who was consulting with Lois and Clark on a story. And The Daily Planet doesn't give out information on its sources. I'm sorry. Now, if you'll excuse me, I run a busy office."
Lois! That was what the man outside had called the reporter she had run into. And Mr. White had just mentioned that they were heading for City Hall.
THE STEPS OF CITY HALL
"Jarod!" Miss Parker cried, idly wondering why she felt compelled to call out his name whenever she spotted him in the distance. Surely, it would be easier to simply sneak up on him.
Jarod sprinted away through the crowd that had gathered for the mayor's speech and was around the corner and out of sight.
It took several moments for her to turn the same corner and discover she was in an alleyway, running full tilt into a man who blocked her pathway.
"Let me pass!" she cried, reaching into her belt, but quicker than lightning the man had grabbed it before she could, and she once again found herself clutching thin air.
"You must be new in town," said the man, who blocked her path. The lunatic was wearing a red cape and blue tights!
He dropped her weapon on the ground and melted it with rays that shot from his eyes.
"Who are you?" Miss Parker demanded, having the vague feeling that she had seen him someplace before. But then again, maybe not, she would have remembered that.
The man of dark hair and brown smiled cheerfully. "People call me Superman. Jarod happens to be one of my friends. Why are you chasing him?"
"It's for his own good," Miss Parker sputtered, still reeling from the shock that this man melted metal with his eyes.
"His good? Or your good?" Superman asked, raising an eyebrow.
Before she could answer, Sam came rushing around the corner and balked when he saw the muscular Superman.
"Well, what are you looking at Sam?" questioned Miss Parker. "Get him!" Perhaps Sam could distract this Superman long enough for her to get on with chasing Jarod!
As Sam began the attack, Miss Parker ran off down the street.
Sam rushed at Superman like a bull, but found suddenly that the man was no longer there. With a sickening sense of deja vu, he felt a tap on his shoulder and turned to see the man was behind him.
"I'm faster than a speeding bullet and I can leap tall buildings in a single bound," Superman informed him.
Sam picked up a rock on the pavement and moved forward once again.
Superman shook his head. "I wouldn't do that if I were you."
Sam scowled and lifted the rock. In the next instant, Sam found himself seized by the shirt collar and lifted into the air. But it didn't stop there--Sam felt the wind whistling in his ears and looked down to see the ground rapidly receding. "Did I forget to mention it? I fly too," Superman chuckled.
Miss Parker didn't get very far in her renewed pursuit of Jarod. A puff of air knocked her over and then the flying man in tights caught up with her easily and set her sweeper on the ground beside her. "Give up?" he asked.
Sam looked at her without much hope, Miss Parker wasn't one to give up, and he wasn't sure how many more of these extraordinary encounters he could take.
Miss Parker sighed. "I do today," she said, then nodded to Sam that it was time to depart.
Miss Parker took no note of Sam's utter amazement.
Jarod was long gone and it would be good procedure to report back to the Centre in any case.
Besides--there was always tomorrow.
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.