Disclaimer: Don’t own them, won’t make any money with them, will putt hem back once I am done. Promise!

~~~~~~~

Sometimes, fate is cruel
But death is just the beginning
But there’s light even in the darkest place
In a world, no being ever left
To gain courage…
… and strength

~~~~~~~

The Reason


She sat in complete darkness. No artificial lights illuminated the room. It was night and there was only the dim light of nature flittering through the window.

Her thoughts swivelled round again.

Round and round they went; always in circles; never getting anywhere; a snake eating its own tail.

No, that was not the picture she wanted to have… and yet it popped up in her mind.

A snake, devouring its own tail, tattooed onto a forearm.

She shuddered.

It was a picture that appeared every once in a while, leaving her sick; a picture that had burned itself into her consciousness. The implications of what this picture meant only added to the pile her thoughts circled around.

The pile of shattered pieces that was her life.

She grimaced at that thought.

Lately it had been getting harder and harder to move on. Nothing was as it should be. Nothing was as she wished it to be. The pile of shattered pieces grew with every second of her life.

Hopes crashed mercilessly, promises broken without more than the blink of an eye, new people falling from the family tree, new gruesome things revealed from her family’s history, new lives destroyed and new bodies added… piling on the pavement.

Parker swallowed and closed her eyes. More pictures invaded her consciousness.

Her mother’s (not) dead body stretched out in the elevator, Faith dying in her presence, her young friend’s battered body after a simulation with former Dr. Raines, her mother’s face – the huge bruise forming on her cheek - after Raines had left their home, Kyle dying in Jarod’s arms and Tommy lying - covered in his own blood - on her porch.

Her eyes snapped open and she gasped for air.

There was so much evil in her life and it didn’t seem as if that would ever change. Not as long as she stayed in the same environment, and since the Centre was adamant at keeping her – if Tommy’s death proved anything, it was that – her environment would never change… and with it, her life would stay the same…

… And the pictures she was forced to endure.

She would forever be forced to hunt her childhood friend, hiding her sympathy for him, hiding her feelings. She would forever be forced to run around the way she did now: arrogant, unfeeling, uncaring and empty. The complete opposite of what she had once hoped for.

But in their world, hopes were there to be shattered and dreams were there to be kept private in order to keep them alive, even if out of reach forever.

It was not a life she wished for anyone… not even her worst enemy.

There was no way to break free from that. She had been born into that environment and she would die in it. The only thing that she might have a hand in would be when and where she died… if she was lucky.

And lately, death had become more and more attractive. Lately she had wondered when she would end it all. She had wondered when the moment would come where she couldn’t take it any longer.

Once the pile of shattered pieces, of broken hopes and dead bodies became too much to bear.

She let her eyes wander down to her hands. She could barely see the object that lay in them but she could feel it. The cold metal had a calming effect. Next to the gun lay the promising prospect of salvation; salvation from everything.

She let the fingers of her right hand run over the smooth surface.

A tear escaped her eye.

She didn’t wipe it away.

In the darkness of this room she could let it run down her face. She didn’t need to put on the mask that was inhibiting her every second she spent in the light. But here in the darkness, no one could see her tears and therefore she could let them fall freely.

She treasured every moment she could be the person she was and not the person she projected. And so she treasured every moment she spent alone in the darkness of her own rooms.

More tears followed the first one. These moments were short and pure. They were everything that kept her remembering her true persona, these moments and those she sometimes experienced during special phone conversations.

But just as short and pure these moments were, they were seldom and well hidden. And the more often she had to hide them, the more unreal they became and the less healing.

The gun in her hand seemed to gain weight.

Maybe this was her last chance to end it, her last chance before she couldn’t stop it any longer. Before she would really become the person she despised.

Her fingers closed around the metal firmly. She loosened the safety and slowly raised the gun, tears streaming down her face, blurring her vision but she wouldn’t need to see to hit her target.

Cold metal was now resting at the side of her temple, directed by her own hands.

Closing her eyes she tried to suppress the sobs that shook her body.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing there?” an angry voice sounded behind her. Before she had the time to turn around, she could hear the fall of footsteps – big, long strides – and then the gun was snatched out of her hands.

She didn’t open her eyes but her shoulders sagged.

“I asked you what the hell you thought you were doing here,” his voice called out again. She felt herself being turned around by her shoulders.

She lowered her head.

“Parker,” he lowered his voice a bit.

Her head was spinning with emotions… relief, sadness, embarrassment.

She felt his hand under her chin, gently urging her to raise her head. “Hey, look at me,” he gently pleaded with her. His voice was barely above a whisper now. The sound of concern in his voice caressed her like a soft blanket, spreading out under her, catching her fall.

She opened her eyes for a brief moment, meeting his gaze for no more than a heartbeat and then she let her head fall forward against his shoulder.

Instantly, his arms came around her, encircling her, holding her to him, conveying security with every fibre. His one hand in her hair, his other on her shoulder, he rocked them both back and forth.

She let the tears fall freely. It was too late to pretend they weren’t there. He had seen them. Long ago he had already known that they were there and he was not one of the persons she needed to hide them from. She had always hidden them from him just as she had tried to hide them from herself but he had seen them all long.

For a long time neither said a word. The silence was merely interrupted by her soft sobs and sniffling.

With her eyes closed, leaned into the one person she had been introduced to as a simulation, spent a huge amount of time with in her youth, trained to distrust, hate and chase later, she could almost make herself believe that the world was fine.

She dreaded to open her eyes for everything would come down to the brutal truth… that nothing was fine.

“What were you thinking, Parker?” Jarod heaved a sigh, still not entangling himself from her. “You scared me badly.”

“I can’t do this any longer. I’m so tired of it,” she mumbled.

“And so you want to end your life?” he asked incredulously.

She kept silent.

“Parker, you know better than that,” he said and slowly drew her away from him to look her in the eye.

“Do I?” she asked.

“Yes, I believe you do. You know that there is so much in the world that is worth living for. And if this reason is merely having the last laugh,” he replied.

Another tear escaped her. “Is having the last laugh worth all the pain we are experiencing?”

He tilted his head and smiled sadly. Slowly he leaned forward and then dropped a feather-light kiss on her forehead. “I believe it is.”

Parker closed her eyes again

“I just can’t go on. I don’t have the strength any longer,” she whispered.

“Yes, you can go on. You are a fighter, Parker,” he said with determination.

“No, Jarod. That’s not who I am. That’s who I pretend to be but that’s not me,” she shook her head and looked at him with pain in her eyes.

He smiled sadly. “That’s not true and you know it. You are a fighter otherwise you wouldn’t have survived in the Centre that long. You are just as much of a fighter as I am, as we all are.”

“I have no strength left to fight,” she mumbled.

“You will have to find a reason to go on fighting,” he replied in an equally soft voice.

She heaved a sigh. “A life spent in the Centre is not worth fighting for any longer for me.”

“Then you will have to leave the Centre,” Jarod stated.

“Ha,” she scoffed. “Jarod, you know as well as I do that I will never be able to leave the Centre. They won’t let me leave.”

“Since when do you accept what they want?” he asked pointedly. “Come on. That’s not the Parker I know.”

“But what can I do?”

He smiled. “You will have to leave the Centre without their consent,” his boyish trademark-grin appeared, “there are more people walking around in the outside world that ran away from the Centre than you think.”

A frown appeared on her face. “I don’t know if I will be able to make it,” she admitted.

“Have faith in yourself Miss Parker. I know that you will be able to make it. You are not just a fighter but you are also a pretender. Never forget that,” he told her.

“I might have the gene but I’m not a pretender,” she shook her head again.

He shrugged. “If you think so. I only know that you are good and I believe that you paid attention to what I have been doing,” he winked at her.

She nodded slowly. “Yeah.”

He smiled and then drew her towards him once more.

Parker relaxed into his embrace and put her head on his shoulder.

“And you will always have me. Whenever you are in trouble, I will be there,” he added in a hushed tone.

Another tear escaped her. Despite all the things that had happened to them, he still promised to be there for her. She had been hunting him, threatened to shoot him, called him names, prevented him from meeting his parents and yet he was here and he would remain close to her.

He stayed with her throughout the night, held her in his arms and reassured her. He told her about his life in the outside world, about his first encounters with ‘real’ life; how he had first tasted ice-cream, about his insecurities, his fears that everyone would notice his being different. He told her about some of his pretends they had never known about.

She knew that he told her all this to get her feet securely on the ground once more, to get her to see all the good things that were in the world and she had to admit that it worked.

It was only in the morning that he slowly entangled himself from her. Her head still on his shoulder, he looked up.

He gently nudged her shoulder and when he started to get up from his sitting position, he drew her up with him. Steering her out of the room, he grabbed a blanket on the way and manoeuvred her outside. Gently pushing her down so that she came to sit o the porch steps, he lowered himself next to her and wrapped them both in the blanket before his arm encircled her again and drew her close to him once more.

She didn’t know what he had intended with this but she let him have his way. Not much later she learned what he had had in mind.

She watched as the first rays of daylight flittered over the horizon, tinting the sky in all kind of colours. Only now did she realize how long it had been since she had last seen a sunrise.

They both watched the changes of colour without speaking for a long while.

“See? That’s what I meant when I said that there is so much that is worth living for,” he murmured.

She merely nodded, her eyes still firmly fixed on the horizon.

Soon after the first rays of light came across the horizon, the first sounds of awakening reached her ears.

When he looked at her at that, he found a light smile lingering at the edges of her mouth, making him smile as well.

“Will you be ok?”

“I have to believe I will,” she sighed.

He looked at her more closely and a bit suspiciously, trying to judge her state of mind. “Do I have to take your gun with me or will you be ok?” he asked once more.

She smiled. “No, you won’t need to take it with you.”

He smiled and slowly slipped out of the blanket he had wrapped around them both. He stood up and gave her one more calculating and judging glance before he gave her a somewhat satisfied nod. Crouching down in front of her he took her face in his hands and gently caressed her cheeks. Leaning in close he let his forehead come to rest against hers.

“Find your reason to go on,” he said. “And never forget: I’ll always be there for you if you need me!”

She breathed deeply and closed her eyes.

He slowly let go of her and straightened. Smiling, he made eye contact once more and then turned around and walked away from her.

She watched him go but didn’t try to hold him back. As much as she wanted to, she needed to get through this alone.

And she would.

Perhaps not all hopes were there to be shattered and not every dream was out of reach.

Maybe there was a chance for her.


To be continued…

Well? How about feedback?

Ok, about the ‘poem’ at the beginning of this story. As far as I know it is kind of a Japanese poem. I have it from a friend of mine who is making computer animated films and he had included it into one of those. He had it translated from a friend of his. I found it fitting for this story.
Anyway, to make a long story short:
I don’t know if the translation is correct and I don’t know if anyone would be angry at me for using it in this story, so I’m stating for the record that just as the characters in the story the poem is not mine either.

Disclaimer: see part one

Author’s Note: People, there is a song that inspired me to write this whole story. It’s from Hoobastank and it’s called “The Reason”. I originally wanted to make a song-fic out of this but somehow it didn’t turn out right. The lyrics are displayed at the end of the chapter now.
Author’s Note II: Wow! So much feedback. The chapter really seemed to have shaken you all up somehow. Glad that you all liked it that much.

~~~~~~~

The Reason
Part 2


It had been four days since he had found her in that devastating state. Pure instinct had driven him over to her that night. It was no more than luck and a bad feeling that had him leaving his things in a lair and appearing on her doorstep, finding her before it was too late.

He had been there the next three nights, without her knowledge. He just had to make sure that she was ok.

Just as he was here now. Everything was dark in the house. He frowned and looked at his watch. Maybe she wasn’t home yet?

Jarod shrugged. Letting himself in through the back entrance, he waited for his eyes to adjust to the semi-darkness. He walked out of the kitchen and into the living room. That’s where he stopped short.

The photos were gone. He looked around.

The furniture was still there but the smaller things, the things that he knew Parker loved dearly - those things were gone.

He quickly walked through the rest of the house. When he saw that the two photos - one of Tommy and her and the other one of her mother and her as a little girl - that had been standing on the nightstand were gone as well, he knew that he wouldn’t find her anywhere near this house.

She had obviously left. He turned around and let his eyes wander around the bedroom. The house suddenly felt empty.

It was as if - together with Parker - a spark of life had left it.

Jarod turned and was about to leave the room, when his eyes landed on a blanket that was lying on the floor in front of the small stool. Normally it was lying on the stool. It was still folded neatly.

Jarod walked over to it and bent down.

It was the same blanket they had been wrapped into the morning they had watched the sunrise.

The corners of his mouth twitched and he let his hands wander over the surface of the blanket and then into the fold. When his fingers made contact with a sheet of paper, the smile widened.

He drew his hand back and looked at the paper that had come out with his hand.

A message was written on it. It was very short. All it said was:

The reason is you, Jarod. We will see each other again.
Thank you my friend,
Melina

He laughed softly. Standing up he drew out his cell phone and dialled Sydney’s number.

Trying to reach Parker would be pointless. She was too good to take her cell with her, risking being traced by the Centre that way. But he wanted to ask Sydney if he knew anything and if not, he needed to reassure his old mentor that Parker would be fine.

“This is Sydney.”

“It will change everything,” Jarod stated without preamble.

“Jarod,” Sydney exclaimed and then rambled on excitedly, “Jarod, she’s gone. Miss Parker didn’t appear at work today. Broots and I have been over at her place but nothing seemed to be out of place. I don’t know if anything happened to her.”

“I know. She’s gone,” he replied softly.

“Do you know where she is?” Sydney asked. “Do we have to worry about her?”

Jarod shook his head. “I don’t know where she is but I doubt that we need to worry. She’s capable of taking care of herself. She just decided to quit. I’m sure that she will be fine,” Jarod smiled and then disconnected.

So, she had finally dared to break free…

He left the house and looked back once more.

He had left her with a good feeling that evening four days ago. He had debated with himself for a long time what he should do.

After finding her the way he had - with the gun pressed to her temple, ready to fire – a gruesome sight that still sent shivers down his spine, he hadn’t known how to get her feet back to the ground safely.

He had talked for hours, trying to install some kind of security and fighting spirit in her. It had been easy to see that she had given up on herself, given up on her life. But with every little story he had told, he had gotten the feeling that bit by bit, piece by piece, she was turning her back on the end she had nearly chosen for herself.

And when he had left her in the early morning, he had left with the belief that she would be fine.

He had debated with himself if he should ask her to come along, to join him in his flight but eventually he had decided against it.

It would have been the perfect time to ask her, if he had wanted to make her dependant on him.

She had been a mere shell of the woman he had always known and admired, and had he asked her to come with him, she would most certainly have followed him. But she would have followed out of the hope that he would make her whole again. He would have been some kind of crutch for her.

Maybe he would have even been able to turn that dependency into a love affair but it wouldn’t have been fair to either of them. To her it would have been cruel, and to himself it would have been unsatisfying.

No, he had decided then and he would make the same decision again if the situation was presented to him again.

She needed to get on her feet alone.

That decision was not born out of cruelty or refusal of help; it was best for them both.

She needed to find the strength to move on, something that he couldn’t install in her on a long-term basis. She needed to find that will for herself and then she needed to find the strength to go through with it. Only that would give her the satisfaction and fulfilment she needed before they would have a chance to find each other.

He still hoped that she would come to him one day; he still wanted her as a partner – but he wanted her as an equal partner and not as the dependant woman she would have become had he taken her with him that day.

He knew that he didn’t need to worry about her not finding him. If she wanted to, she had always had the power to find him, of giving him secret messages. Just as she had brought this message to him, she would find a way to contact him if she wanted to.

For him the question of what he was going to do from now on presented itself. With her gone a huge part of why he still played the game with the Centre was gone as well.

He didn’t know if he wanted to keep playing a game he had – in all secrecy – already become tired of. Perhaps it was time to end his game of hide and seek, but that would have to wait.

Disappearing now would make the Centre more than suspicious, leading them to believe that Parker was with him.

They would only hunt them both more determinedly if they thought that to be true. If they thought Miss Parker on the flight alone, having turned her back on the corporation was bad enough, but with the nagging suspicion that she was with ‘their’ pretender, they wouldn’t rest until they found them both.

No, Jarod decided. He would continue leaving clues for the Centre; maybe a few more months and then he would disappear as well.

That postponement would give Parker enough time to disappear completely and for the Centre to not see the connection his disappearance had with hers.

He finally turned away from her former home and left it behind.

There would be a new pretend waiting for him soon. Even though he didn’t want to go on any longer, he had a reason to move on:

The knowledge that Parker was free from the Centre, that she had finally turned her back on that corporation and now the hope that she would join him some day.

He smiled.

That was his reason to go on.



The End! Or To Be Continued?

Anyway, here are the lyrics I promised:


Hoobastank “The Reason”

I'm not a perfect person
There's many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
That’s why I need you to hear

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is You [x4]

I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you

Disclaimer: see part one!

Author’s Note: Yeah, there is a third chapter. I just couldn’t keep my hands off of the story. I didn’t think you’d mind either, now do you? But this is the last chapter for real so enjoy it!
I completely forgot to thank my beta… Blade, even though I don’t know if you are reading this… you are great! Thanks for the work you are doing!

~~~~~~~

The Reason
Part 3


Parker nervously fidgeted with the key in ignition, trying to work up the courage to either start the engine or draw the key out of the hole.

Looking out of the window again, she drew a deep breath.

She didn’t really know what she wanted here. No, that wasn’t correct. She knew what she wanted, but after seeing what she had seen, she doubted she would find what she had come for.

The small white house lay quietly on her right hand side. It was one of the fairytale-white-house-with-picket-fence homes.

Till now, she hadn’t seen either the two point five children running around in the beautiful garden or a woman watching them. But the dog was already there.

Again she reached for the key.

This was wrong; her being here was wrong.

Jarod had obviously built a life for himself… a life that didn’t include her.

She wondered what woman would stand in the kitchen to cook for him; if she would be like one of those Jarod had found during one of his pretends… Nia or Zoe.

She breathed deeply and closed her eyes. No, she was all wrong here.

Turning the key, she started the engine. She gave one last look at the house Jarod lived in and was about to drive away when the door opened and Jarod appeared on the porch.

The dog that had been lying in the grass looked up and trotted over to Jarod, who bent down and gently caressed his head. She watched in fascination as a smile spread over his face when the Spaniel put its front legs on Jarod’s shoulders and licked him over the face. She could see him chuckle and pat the dog’s head.

The Spaniel pushed itself away from Jarod and sat down in front of him.

Jarod grinned down at his dog and then turned around. He held the door open and the Spaniel followed him into the house.

The door closed behind them.

Her eyes were still fixed on the spot Jarod had stood only minutes ago. The idling engine lulled her into a reverie.

He looked just as she remembered him. He hadn’t changed one little bit in the two years since she had last seen him, the same lovable grin and the same handsome man.

She was torn between the things she should do.

Forever leave him behind or at least say goodbye?

Taking a deep breath, she reached for the key once more and this time she turned off the engine and yanked the key out of the ignition. Before she could change her mind, she pushed the door open and got out of the car.

The way over the street, through the entrance gate, through the garden to the porch and up the steps took her a huge number of hesitant steps and more than once was she about to turn around and walk back to the car. Finally, she stood in front of the door.

Her hand rose to knock. She listened for a second and when she could hear his delighted laughter the confidence fled her. She let her hand sink and her head dropped as well. She turned around and walked to the edge of the porch.

Before she was down the steps, the dog barked loudly from within the house. She still debated with herself if she should flee or turn around but then the question answered itself when the door creaked open.

A dog ran over to her barking wildly and she froze.

“Hey Sammy, back off,” his voice sounded behind her. The Spaniel gave one last short bark but then he returned to his master’s side.

“Sorry. He just doesn’t like strangers,” Jarod explained.

“Contrary to his master. He has more problems with people from his past,” Parker smiled. She still had her back turned to him but now she slowly turned around to face him.

“Not with every person from my past,” he said, smiling boyishly. He still stood on the porch, the dog sitting directly next to his leg. Jarod took one hesitant step towards her but Parker kept her ground. He slowly descended the stairs and stepped up to her. A smile lingered on his face when he stretched out his hand and raised it to her face. He cradled her cheek in it, his thumb gently stroking it.

Parker sighed and leaned into his touch.

“You sure took your time to come here. I’ve missed you,” he whispered and then leaned down to drop a kiss on her other cheek.

She turned her head away. “What if someone sees us?”

He chuckled softly. “Well, the old woman from 3178 on the opposite side of the street will certainly see us because she has nothing better to do than watching the people around here all day. She will quickly pass the word around, so in a matter of hours the whole part of town up to the river will know about this and maybe, if I’m lucky, those stories will fend off some of the single women around here. Maybe they will stop pursuing me then,” he grinned at her.

“What, no wife to scare these women off?” Parker asked with a quirked eyebrow.

“No,” he shook his head and then his grin widened. “Was that why you were leaving? Because you thought there was a wife waiting to scare you off as well?”

She couldn’t stop the slight blush that crept up her cheeks.

Jarod tilted his head to the side, smiling from ear to ear. “There is no woman waiting in there and there will be no one to scare you off either,” he leaned in closer and whispered, “I won’t let anyone scare you off.”

His breath tickled her ear and goose bumps spread down her back.

Jarod drew back and straightened. “Come on in, Melina.” He turned around and walked back up the steps, holding the door open for her to join him.

She hesitated only briefly and then she walked up to him, past him, into his house and back into his life.


The End!

Happy enough for you? I sure hope so! Hope you enjoyed the read!
Oh and… no, there won’t be a sequel. The rest is for you to think up!