Barely breathing......please post more...I'm totally invested in your story..will Jarod stop being so mean already....sigh.
Hi JaPark Fan! Thanks for continuing to read and especially review. I'm glad that you are invested in the story. I hope Jarod wasn't too OOC by being a "meanie", someone will set him straight soon! Thank you again and taking the time to read my updates and leave reviews.Reviewer: JaPark Fan Anonymous [Report This]
Date: 07/08/13 03:51 am
First of all, I'm not really into J/MP romance. That being I said, I want you to know that I am reading your story and will continue to read it until you finish. I won't give you an opinion right now, because I prefer to comment it as a whole. I can give you some advice if you don't mind:
1 - Revising: your writing seems to get better at each new chapter, which makes me think you're publishing as soon as you write. While I can relate to the urge, having the text rest for some time is often a good thing. Especially for catching rookie mistakes. I don't know if this is the case, but if it is...
2 - The plot: I know that J/MP stories sometimes lack that aspect. Technically, their relationship is your plot, but you may need something stronger than that. You have plenty of inner conflict, which is good, but you need an outside force as well. With The Centre and The Triumvirate gone you'll have to come up with a new threat.
3 - The endgame: When you first started to write this story, did you see how it ended? Did you have any glimpses? Every time I write a story, fanfiction or otherwise, I always (try to) see the end, or, at the very least, a possible end. Whether the end I write is the end I previously imagined or not isn't the issue here. The issue is: do you know where you're going?
If you do, carry on. I'll let you know later how the trip felt.
Hi Joel, thanks so much for taking the time to read and especially review. I realize how much time it can take and for that I appreciate it. I did have a beta but generally just for flow and some techinical critiques. I have always wanted and needed the opinion of a professional and I'm glad that you took the bullet for the other folks that aren't into MP/J romance.
In response to your advice, and I appreciate every comment you have made:
1. I actually don't post as I write. I let it stew for awhile, however, the entire fic had been sitting for months and was only completed in the past couple of weeks, and of course with the announcement of "Rebirth" got over eager and posted as soon as my beta said "GO." I appreciated objective constructive criticism and you are the first to have done so. Thanks.
2. You are correct, the relationship is the plot and I really didn't think much about external conflict. I wanted it to be a simple story without much angst but certainly drama.
3. The endgame as you probably guessed was MP/J together. Of course that was/is the only thing I glimpsed and basically worked towards getting them there. This is my second fic overall for the Pretender and wasn't quite sure what kind of writer I wanted to become. So I started with what was familiar to me which is romance/drama. I figured that I would get a few fics under my belt and got comfortable with a writing style before I went further into a plot filled fic.
Again, I appreciate the objective technical review of my fic so far and certainly appreciate the time it took you to write your professional opinion.
Thanks Joel!Reviewer: Joel Gomes Signed [Report This]
Date: 06/08/13 11:34 pm
I like this "beat the crap out of Jarod" Ethan. It's time someone really sticks to Parker's side.
b18, thanks for reading and reviewing, yes Ethan (at least my version of him) has grown a pair since they rescued him from the train! MP & Jarod would be proud . . .
Thank you again for taking the time to review . . .Reviewer: b18 Anonymous [Report This]
Date: 06/08/13 02:49 am
Your story is certainly good enough to peak my interest.
Keep writing. I like your way of writing. Enough discriptions to place the story, without
it becomming to long or boring. You also keep a good pace, not to fast not to slow.
I wished the chapters were a little longer, but that's just me and my curiosity.
Looking forward to the next chapter
Thank you Eden. I certainly appreciate you taking the time read and review. I'm glad you are enjoying the story so far. Got it, longer chapters. Thanks for your insight, I agree some chapters could be longer.
Again, thanks so much for leaving a review, I will certainly keep in mind longer chapters in my next fic (this one is already done, just brushing up, cleaning up a few things n the later chapters).
#ThePretenderLives!Reviewer: Eden Anonymous [Report This]
Date: 01/08/13 04:20 pm
Here comes Ethan to the rescue, I hope.
M. Rose, if you've been following twitter, SLM seems to say this a lot. "As far as you know . . ." . Ethan's a good guy. He'll figure it out, hopefully, he won't be too late.
Thank you again for reading and reviwing! I really appreciate it!
Maybe you can find some inspiration to finish "The Evolution of things" ? Please? =)Reviewer: M Rose Signed [Report This]
Date: 01/08/13 06:04 am
I'm hoping Jarod will soon see the light.....always on Parker's side. ;-)
look forward to more.
I'm a big fan of MP's.
Thanks for reading and reviewing. I appreciate it.Reviewer: JaPark Fan Anonymous [Report This]
Date: 30/07/13 04:57 am
Wow...Miss Parker brought down the center without Jarod's help. Cannot wait to find out why the silent treatment between Jarod and Miss Parker. Ethan to the rescue...discovering Miss Parker's true intention and set Jarod straight.
Love to read more. Logan is so adorable and well behave for a four years old.
Glad you liked it! And with a mom like MP, wouldn't you be well behaved? =)
Thanks for taking the time to read and review. . . .Reviewer: cle J&P shipper Anonymous [Report This]
Date: 30/07/13 12:24 am
I'm really enjoying you're story. Jarod needs to calm down and realize that Parker has changed. The Centre is gone. And her priorities have changed. Hopefully, he can get to know his children and Parker again. Would love to read more.
Thanks so much for taking the time to read and review. I so appreciate it M Rose. More to come, he'll calm down and you will see why he was so upset in the first place. I hope to explain why he seemed OOC in his anger.Reviewer: M Rose Signed [Report This]
Date: 23/07/13 06:46 pm
What a great idea:) Can't wait for the next chapters. Definitely loved it so far:) Hope you will continue.
Hi Kama, thanks for reading and of course reviewing. There will definitely be more chapters, I hope to update once a week!Reviewer: Kama Anonymous [Report This]
Date: 21/07/13 11:54 pm