Dang, am I to understand you are not a native English speaker? The writing in this story is very impressive; your grammar is excellent, don't knock yourself. It always blows my mind when people write fiction in a foreign language, as a bunch of writers are doing on Missing Pieces.
A nice chapter as always, but one thing you may want to work on is transitioning between scenes, either with some sort of scene break indicator or more numerous shorter chapters or something. I sometimes have a hard time figuring out the timeline of this story -- for instance, is the affair with Adkins happening at the same time as the relationship with Lyle? I think the answer is no, that the former is while Raines is still alive and Lyle is later, but it is hard to keep it straight. There's a lot of good stuff here that I want to wrap my brain around, but it tends to run together.
I'm Brazilian. I only started studying English when I was 11 or 12. So, sometimes I feel like I'm sort of struggling with the grammar.
Thanks so much for this feedback, really. The timeline of the flashbacks is not linear, so I really need to know if people are not following so that I can find ways to make it clearer from now on. I'll look into the better way of making sure the next ones make sense, even if I have to date them. There are a lot of them ahead, so I really need these types of feedbacks to make sure the story isn't lost.
Parker started going out with Preston a couple of months after the events in Carthis, which I put around Novemboer (though that's just me randomly setting a timeline). She stays with him for well over a year, until Raines takes her hostage. After that, they just become friends, but they are good friends and she keeps getting invited to his family's house. Parker only gets together with Lyle a little later, after they move in together. There will be more flashbacks to the time that hopefully will their relationship much clearer. To align some of the stuff that I've written, all of the flashbacks of Parker and Lyle in Chapter 7 happen while Parker was seeing Preston.Reviewer: MarieL Anonymous [Report This]
Date: 04/11/13 07:34 pm
I'm really enjoying this story! Not so much the twincest though, I just can't get used to it, but I love the idea. I find it interesting to witness how Parker can change and how Jarod would react. And I really like Preston ;)
Thanks, Leonie. I know that incest is really hard to take for most people, so I'm grateful for the few that still follow this fic. And I really like Preston too! I was editing this chapter and when I finished reading it, I couldn't get over how sweet Preston is.
Also, I love that you wrote that DH crossover story! When I found out Andrea would be in it and there would be no scenes with Mike, I was so pissed off. I wish you had finished it.Reviewer: Leonie1988 Signed [Report This]
Date: 04/11/13 12:59 pm
This storyline is a tough sell, but you are sucking me in. Well done. That last paragraph in chapter 7 ... devastating.
Thanks, MarieL. Incest is a really hard subject and then there is the fact that Lyle is pretty complicated. I'm glad to hear you are enjoying it.Reviewer: MarieL Anonymous [Report This]
Date: 15/09/13 08:36 pm
Was totally excited to see that you've updated this fic. The wait is definitely worth it, lengthy and fantastic chapter. Digging MP's new crew too.
Thanks, b18! I really wanted to write MP rebuilding her life and she really needed friends. However, Broots and Syd shall never be forgotten.Reviewer: b18 Anonymous [Report This]
Date: 09/09/13 05:20 am
I love what Ethan did there. I truly believe each red file is capable of evil, it's just a matter of circumstance and we can all agree that Lyle's circumstances (as a child and young man) were horrific. And that's putting rather mildly.
I grin each time I read a new chapter: Jarod is brooding and enraged and can't comprehend a given situation; he has this grand one-size-fits-all ideal in mind and attempts to apply it to everyone. And he's whining haha- that's always a bonus. I look forward to the next installment.
I always feel really bad for Lyle, though he's a terrifying human being, especially on S4. He's capable of any number of terrible things, but he was abused his entire life, more so than any red file that grew up in the Centre or Parker. I think the only RF that was as mistreated as Lyle was Angelo, but even Angelo was treated like something somewhat valuable and kept by the Centre, while Lyle always knew he was alone and had to fight for his life. We can't know if he would ever act any different if offered some kindness, but I like to thinkl he would. After all, he may not feel empathy, but that doesn't mean he doesn't have feelings.
I love mistreating Jarod, haha. He was so full of it sometimes in the show. And I was never super fond of his methods for helping Parker. He'll better off for learning to treat her like a big girl, who has a right to privacy.Reviewer: Mirage Signed [Report This]
Date: 06/08/13 04:17 am
I love how fiercely protective Ethan is of his sister regarding Jarod. Jarod's so sure that Lyle did something to Parker and as a MPJ shipper I think he's right (is he ever wrong, though?). I'm obviously not an twincest fan, but you've still got my interest and I'm still reading. Curious, just like Jarod in finding out just what exactly happened with Parker (and secretly wanting an MPJR ending).
I don't think Jarod is really always right. He just tends to beat other people to the right answer most times. Plus, he was good at hacking/breaking in/stealing information, which certainly helped his case. Now he has no advantage. Thanks for still reading. I know twincest is hard if you are not into it.Reviewer: M Rose Signed [Report This]
Date: 02/08/13 05:19 am
Oh boy! Jarod is in for a rude awakening. The Clarice to his Hannibal line cracked me up!
Jarod is not going to enjoy this ride, for sureReviewer: b18 Anonymous [Report This]
Date: 01/08/13 06:57 am
First and foremost, it must be said: I love how tender Lyle is with Parker- the scenes were beautiful, thataafonso, and beautifully written. I've always been a fan of Lyle-Parker twincest, Lyle-Parker (period), in fact, so I'm enjoying this immensely. The torture scenes were also extremly well done. You painted Willie as the sinister minion he is and stayed true to all of the characters. I look forward to your continuation.
Thanks so much, Mirage! I've never believed Lyle was 100% evil and I do think he wanted to reach out to Parker at times (and at others, he was glad to just keep his ass out of trouble and let her dive face first into the ground. But hey, they are siblings!). I'm gonna give you guys a background that will explain how they got so close and tender, but I love writing his affection for her.
There is more to come in regards to what Raines really did to Parker, and Willie has a role in it. I always felt Willie had a particular pleasure in seeing Parker in trouble, so I guess he would like to have very active participation in torturing her.
As always, thanks so much for your continued support :)
Reviewer: Mirage Signed [Report This]
Date: 15/06/13 03:09 am
Sibling bonding to the next level. So glad to see you've updated.
Parker definitively doesn’t do anything halfway. ;)
I've taken up a bunch of volunteer work, in addition to Graduate School, so writing time is even scarcer. Thanks for sticking around!
Reviewer: b18 Anonymous [Report This]
Date: 08/06/13 02:36 pm
I'm really liking this fic. You've captured Parker's strength and pride so well. Intrigued (and a little disturbed) about what Lyle is doing in her house. Waiting with baited breath for the next update
Thanks so much for reading and reviewing. I'm really trying to make justice to MP; I'd hate for her to come out as a wuss. I always adored Parker.Reviewer: ND Anonymous [Report This]
Date: 06/05/13 08:51 am
Love MP holding her ground and the whole domestic feel of Lyle, Gabe and Rufus (even w/ Cox's bromance).
I like my MP stubborn, hehe. I think Cox is so creepy on the show, but I couldn't help his bromance with Lyle. After the idea got stuck in my brain, I had to do it!Reviewer: g18 Anonymous [Report This]
Date: 05/05/13 04:21 am
Interesting to see how Parker handles her new responsibilities at The Center in the only way fitting of Parker by kicking ass and taking names. I do miss bumbling Broots though. And I love how Parker handles being a mom (like a pro) to Gabe.
I always thought Parker had to be more brilliant than we often saw her be on the series. So, I can't resist but write her being a kickass personReviewer: M Rose Signed [Report This]
Date: 26/04/13 09:34 am
Hi! This story is fascinating. I held back from reading it when it was first posted because of the twincest/incest warning. I would love to continue to read. You will warn us before the twincest/incest part right? =)
Yes, I'll put proper warnings before every chapter where is needed. Thanks for reading even though you have reservations; I know twincest is not easy.Reviewer: KSPretenderFan Signed [Report This]
Date: 25/04/13 07:16 pm
I totally feel for MP here, hope she hangs back a little more before forgiving those two.
Poor abandoned MP, but she's not forgiving easily. It is MP after all; she's stubborn.Reviewer: g18 Anonymous [Report This]
Date: 25/04/13 01:50 am
Well done. I'm going to miss Broots (I think I sorta used to have a crush on the Brootser); however, I'm loving that the newbie behaves similarly and, in turn, is treated similarly by his boss and I'm looking forward to reading more.
Oh Mirage, thanks so much for reading and dropping a review! I love all of your fics, so this means a lot... And I feel bad that I made Broots, but there is a good reason. I had a crush on the Brootsie too. Jon Gries was my favorite person in The Pretender after Andrea.Reviewer: Mirage Signed [Report This]
Date: 15/04/13 11:57 pm
I love your kickass Parker that doesn't need Jarod to take down the Centre and this chapter made me adore your mommy Parker to Gabe.
I can assure you, Parker has no intention whatsoever to lean on our favorite Pretender. And I really love writing mommy bear Parker too. Thanks so much for reading and leaving a messageReviewer: g18 Anonymous [Report This]
Date: 15/04/13 05:33 am
Hey, it's a gold story, I liked it, I CAN't wait the next chapter! I hope There Will be some ship!
I'll do my best to give MP/J some romance. I'm fighting against my worst instincts, haha.Reviewer: CiÁ Anonymous [Report This]
Date: 11/04/13 02:15 pm
Good so far...... Can't wait for an update.
Thanks so much jpfan07! I'm working hard on the next chapter.Reviewer: jpfan07 Anonymous [Report This]
Date: 08/04/13 05:31 pm
I'm liking it so far. It's well written and it's definetely got me wondering and wanting to find more about Parker's whereabouts. Please post another chapter soon :)
Thank you so much, Vanya. Our dear MP is going to show up soon ;)Reviewer: Vania Anonymous [Report This]
Date: 08/04/13 12:51 am