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Title: IX: Galileo

Oooh got to say that you've got me hooked lol! Everything about this piece is so intriguing (I love, love, love the chapter titles by the way-pure genius on your part!!), all the character dialogues are great too (especially the Jarod/Parker phone call this chap), and the ease with which you've worked Jarod into the middle of the White House (while sticking to the characters there too... *smiles*). And who doesn't want to know what 'one-six-seven' is, or more importantly, how secure it is?? 

There certainly 'aint no damn crickets here -just a bulldozer to help with the 'demolitioninging' of the writer's block! ;) 

Can't wait to read the next chap (hint, hint...)

 



Author's Response:

Thank you greatly for the kind words. The chapter titles are shamelessly lifted from West Wing, but they're so subtle and fit fairly well, so what the heck. "Good writers borrow from other writers, great writers steal."

 It's not a who, so much as a little word play. You'll see in the next chatper, which will be coming soon. Thanks again :D

Reviewer: jk Anonymous starstarstarstarhalf-star [Report This]
Date: 16/04/09 05:03 am
Title: V: The Crackpots and These Women

Very nice chap!  I'm still enjoying this story, especially the extended focus on Jarod in this chapter.  You delved deeper into his character, and that can only be a good thing.  I loved your portrayal of Toby!

A few quibbles:  Mr. Parker's title is Chairman of the Centre, not Director of Operations.  Also, it was a bit tough to place this in the West Wing timeline, probably because you named the chapters after season 1 episodes but set them in season 2.  I think I'm clear now, and I'm not gonna complain because the ep titles are just too awesome!

I really enjoyed the bit where Jarod passed a DSA player off as a ZIP drive.  Poor Josh would truly be lost without Donna.

It's great to see your writing growing.  Best of luck as you develop this!

Reviewer: MP Signed [Report This]
Date: 14/02/09 05:43 am
Title: I: A Sudden Arboreal Stop

Squee!  Crossover!

I'm very intrigued by this first chapter.  The writing has a good rythm, and you seem to have a good handle on the characters.  One niggle:  Sydney is a psychiatrist, not a psychologist.  Though IMO, the work he does would be more typical to a psychologist, there are frequent references in the show to him, in fact, being in psychiatry.

I'm a huge WW fan, so it was a nice treat to get that little twist at the end.  I'm looking forward to seeing how you develop those characters.  I've actually toyed with the idea of this particular crossover myself, but could never get my lazy butt motivated to actually write it.  "Jarod Sorkin," LOL!  Just the kind of tongue in cheek humor the show did best.

Best of luck with this!  I'll keep reading.



Author's Response: Thanks greatly! I find it interesting that these first three parts, even though written ages ago, are still apprantly of some quality. With everything you've contributed to Pretender fics, I'm curous to hear your thoughts on parts 4 and 5, which are entirely new.

Reviewer: MP Signed [Report This]
Date: 10/02/09 06:47 pm
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