Most probobly the saddest story I ever read. But so well written, really a genius work! Best character portrait! Especially Jarod, there are very few stories, which describe his loneliness etc. Love it! But what do you have against a happy endings :( ??!!! And don't come with that poem!Reviewer: Anonymous Anonymous [Report This]
Date: 16/05/09 10:53 am
Never and I mean never have I read a story where I have told the author I wanted a re-write. (sigh) I know you wanted to kill someone off but....but ... really did you have to? I'm going to sit here and pout and no you're not getting the chocolates back. If you can't give us a alternative ending then I want a happy story for Christmas. I know you can do it so don't give me any excuses. (blows nose in kleenx tissue.) I want another story.
Author's Response: lol, yes RaChell, i REALLY DID have to kill someone off lol. *Sigh*, fine i will do a little rewrite of the very ending and add a little more, but damn it! do you relaise it wont fit my poem which was the reason for the story? do you realise it wont be sad? lol dont expect much more than a few para's though, and this is only for you.
Date: 23/12/07 06:48 pm
WOW! this is really really good story. i especially liked this one: "The last thing he felt was her tear splashing on his cheek.". classic! very heart-breaking.
can wait to read more from you. i only hope there won't be any more character dieing, though :o)
Author's Response: Thanks Jazzy, i am glad you enjoyed it. I liked that line too lol, it was very sad and i was proud of myself lol. have a happy holiday and im glad you enjoyed Reviewer: Jazzy Anonymous [Report This]
Date: 23/12/07 07:17 am
RaChell, don't take away all the chocolates! If we keep the writer and her muse on a permanent sugar high maybe we'll get a another Christmas story with a happy ending.
And if you have to confiscate the sweets you could at least share them with me!
Author's Response: lol, Cathy, let her take the chocs from me, im not good on a sugar high lol and any Christmas story would probably not make sense lol Reviewer: Cathy Signed [Report This]
Date: 23/12/07 02:51 am
Nice Christmas story. Cheery. Ha except you know not, but it was still a very good story! Their lives are always so tragic, these kind of endings just fit them so perfectly.
Author's Response: Ta TLM, glad you found it so cheery lol. Their lives are tragic and this is a tragic ending so yay you think it fits so good. thanks heaps and have a good chrissy :D
Date: 24/12/07 09:19 am
Wow, I haven't seen RaChell this riled . . . ever. At risk of angering the chocolate police . . . you did warn us from chapter 1 that somebody was going to die. Maybe this should be classified as tragedy?
As to the writing, I think the response would be less
violent emphatic if there were one more scene building on this plot line (he's still dead), but offering some kind of hope, or peace, or something. Maybe a graveside scene showing that Parker will come back from this and Jarod is probably in a better place . . . or something.
Overall, though, I liked this story, and my muse will go Kung Fu on RaChell's muse if she tries to take the chocolate back.
Yes i did warn everyone at the very start there was a character death, and should i be pleased with myself i got RaChell so worked up? lol, is tihs a good thing for me or a bad, very bad, thing for me?
I know it prob is a bad way to end, with Jarod dead on the street and Miss Parker all upset, but as i did mention to RaChell, this story was
written for my poem, and it was how it was meant to end. So i am afraid there will be no more scenes to write, not even of PArker at the
site. I am glad you liked it MP and hoped others did as well. Merry chrissyReviewer: MP Signed [Report This]
Date: 24/12/07 06:54 am
Excuse me Cathy and MP but this writer and her Muse do not deserve chocolate! (takes chocolate away from Muse). Yes it is a good story, could be better (rolls eyes) but then the writer and her Muse killed off Jarod! It's Christmas too! What kind of writer does that?
I demand a alternative ending, a happy one damnit! Until then I'm going to call in the chocolate police and have them conficaste every bit of chocolate that Muse has hidden.
Sorry RaChell, if you need to keep the choccies, then go ahead and keep them. Jarod has been killed off, it was either him or Parker and Jarod went better with the poem then Parker because he is far more unique then she is. And it is only a Christmas story because you dont get snow any other time of the year and the poem is titled WHITE SNOWFLAKES.
As for the Alt Ending, i dont think i could do that, because
again, it would not tie into the poem which was the reason for
the story. I am sorry you are calling the Chocolate police lol, but to make you feel better, i will send you and your muse some choccies, ok? Have a nice chrissy!Reviewer: RaChell Signed [Report This]
Date: 22/12/07 12:47 pm
Considering that you just killed off Jarod you really shouldn't get any chocolates. But I think you earned them anyway with your characterisations and imagery. Very well done!
Thanks for sharing.
Author's Response: Thanks Cathy for the compliemnt on they writing. I'll leave it up to you guys if my muse and myself get chocolates lol. I am glad you like and you are welcome for me sharing. Happy holidays Reviewer: Cathy Signed [Report This]
Date: 22/12/07 12:12 pm
Quite a tearjerker (sniffle, sniffle). Very emotional. I loved the imagery and symbolism with the snowflakes, and it all tied in very well with the poem. Where'd you get the poem, btw? Is it original?
Great writing. No happy ending, but that's life. *I'll* send you chocolates;)
Author's Response: Thanks MP! I was aiming to make ppl cry (i cant do sad very well and made two of my betas cry yay, but not the others lol) I am glad you liked the imagery, I am not to bad at doing that sort of writing lol. As for the poem, a huge thanks, it is my own poem and on a site i posted it was nominated for best poem of the week lmao. I am glad you enjoyed it! Reviewer: MP Signed [Report This]
Date: 21/12/07 11:14 pm
This is it? Well this , this ...sucks! How could you bring us this far and then kill him off? I wanted a happy ending. No chocolate or roses for you and NO PEZ either!
Author's Response: Lol, sorry RaChell, but one of them had to die to tie in with my poem, and it just seemed Jarod fitted better. I cant bring him back to life, he is dead as dead can be so i am afraid this is it lol Thanks for reviewing and i do hope you enjoyed it despite the ending
Date: 21/12/07 09:36 pm
(blushing here) Sorry I posted this review at one of your other stories ... so here goes:
Nicely done! Can't wait for chapter 3. But wait a minute! Where do you get the idea that families are perfect and love each other un-conditionally? (shaking head) What world have you been living in? My family is almost like Miss Parker's, my father could have given old man Parker a run for the title of worst father of the year!
Author's Response: ahh now this reveiw makes more sense lol. was wondering where you got the good family from lol, and thought i jsut forgot smt i wrote in the other story lmao anyway, Thanks RaChell Reviewer: RaChell Signed [Report This]
Date: 10/12/07 05:44 pm
Good story! It is a sad one, but Jarod and Miss Parker do indeed lead lonely lives. I am already sad, anticipating who might die...:( But its truly a great start and I agree with others that the characterization of Miss Parker is on target. Can't wait to read more. :)
Author's Response: Thanks alot Twingirl10! glad you are liking it so far and sorry if it made you sad. Reviewer: Twingirl10 Anonymous [Report This]
Date: 06/12/07 09:14 pm
Great writing! Lonely people do tend to get very depressed around the holidays, and you captured that very well. The insight into Jarod's mind was very astute. The last line was quintessential Parker. Kudos!
Author's Response: Thanks MP!!! I am glad you like and think I got it so right lol yay!
Date: 06/12/07 12:15 pm
Filled with angst, you could feel the isolation from both Parker and Jarod. But!! you are going to make it better in the next chapters--right?
Oh and you are right, it is too short for those of us just getting into the story the end always comes too fast.
Author's Response: Thanks Bucky, the next chapters are already written i am afraid. I am glad you like it and that you could actually feel the isolation from the two characters. thanks!!!
Date: 26/11/07 09:38 pm
You're posting it! Yay!!! Great start to a great story, now keep editting to get the rest posted (Yes, I'm being bossy again, but this story deserves some bossy orders)
Author's Response: I have almost finsiehd editing, I am waiting on our miss Jacci to do some beta work on btoh chaps then i will be posting. Glad you are liking it still :D
Date: 26/11/07 11:29 am
Interesting beginning and nice characterization of Miss Parker. So when can we expect the next chapter?
Author's Response: Thanks Cathy, i am glad you like it and as i said to Tinanaz, I am waiting on on eof my betas' to get chap 2 back to me (its done, she just double checking it) so no more than a week
Date: 26/11/07 10:29 am