liked the idea, can you please rewrite it whit more details about the escape, their life, how had the children fared, and their life, the story was good but it needed more details
Reviewer: doclamia Anonymous [Report This]Date: 10/11/10 10:03 pm
I have to agree with Natalie, it feels rushed. It's a good story line but needed more depth. It needed to be fleshed out more instead of just a bare bones frame work. You're a good writer and I know you could have done so much better. I get the feeling that you have lots of ideas for stories and you're working as fast as you can to get them down and posted. Your Muse must be working over time.
But overall I liked it. I liked the theme which was very different and a nice break. Also liked how you have Jarod travel back in time to rescue not only himself but those he cared about.
Reviewer: RaChell Signed
[Report This]Date: 11/04/07 07:53 pm
Hi, the idea of this story is good, but it feels rushed. My suggestion is to slow down, add in more dialogue and let your readers in on what the characters are thinking and feeling as you move through the story. For example, how did Catherine feel when she found out that she was going to be shot, when she found out that Raines kidnapped and tortured her baby, when she found out that her daughter hunted down Jarod after Catherine risked her life to save him? There's a little too much left to our imaginations to make the story feel complete. I think you should consider rewriting a more "fleshed out" version of this story. It could be very good!
Reviewer: natalie Anonymous [Report This]Date: 10/04/07 09:08 pm
