Q for Question
Blue Cove, DW
February, 3rd 2013
A long time ago someone told me to question things, to question people, to question the world around me. Curiosity may have killed the cat, and ignorance may be bliss, but nothing good ever came from ignoring what's right in front of you. I've tried that. Trust me when I say it doesn't work. There was a time when I honestly believed that, if I didn't know it, then it couldn't hurt me. I was wrong. Not knowing things doesn't save you from being hurt; it only serves to camouflage the source of the pain.
The Centre took a lot from me as it did from you, not because they needed, simply because they could. The people they killed, the crimes they've committed weren't done by retribution – a violent reaction to a simple transgression – they were their personal way to say: This is how we give warnings. Message received.
I know what they're capable of. I always knew that. Even when I tried to fool myself, especially then, I knew I wasn't going to Hell when I died: I was already there. A real Hell on Earth. With nicer furniture, yes. But no less horrid.
When the bubble popped I was offered a choice. I could either leave and never look back or I could turn a blind's eye and stay to search for the answers to the questions that had haunted me since I realized who I was.
I wish I'd run.
Staying behind, complying with the devil's deeds, being an executive of evil, all for the sake of knowing the truth. And to what end? To what purpose? I decided to fight the devil in his own territory. How stupid was I? I've tried to defeat the great beast, only to become the beast itself.
There is no atonement for the crimes I've committed. And I'm glad there isn't. I'm not worthy of forgiveness, absolution or any other form of consolation. My only choice, my final choice, is trying to find a way to set things right again.
By the time you read this letter, I'll be long gone. Even now, I can feel the end getting near by the second. Very soon, I won't have to fake anymore. I won't have to be feared, cold, insensitive. I won't have to be anything to anyone again.
I truly hope that you, my heritage, are stronger than I thought I was. I hope that the hatred I inspired in the two of you will provide you with enough determination to put aside your differences and bring this place down. I trust that, for once, you will make me proud.